Closing This Door to Open Another

Hello to all the readers we have had in the past 5+ years. We are not only beginning a new chapter in our ministry, but a new book, so to speak. The blog will be archived so that it can still be accessed, but our focus is now on one blog, with a different theme, and an updated message. Click on the picture below to read our first post from the new blog and, if you would like to follow us there, that would be wonderful. Thank you all for making our little ministry blog a part of your reading material.

Series: Young Christian Mom~Part 6

So keep in mind that I had been very depressed and at the time I weighed literally 90 pounds, and I was arrested for battery. From the time after I left Corey until the time I got arrested, I was trying to find a way for me and my son to get back to North Carolina. While on the phone with someone to try and get a ride, CDV kept harassing me and threatening to take my son away from me. I finally got fed up and threw my makeup bag at him. And it just got really bad from there. He called the police and because I had somehow scratched his arm in an earlier scuffle, I was arrested. Even though I had a busted lip and my wrist was nearly broken, I was arrested for a scratch that you could barely see.

So I was sitting in the patrol car waiting to be taken to jail and then the officer started accusing me of being on meth. My temper almost got the best of me. I told her she could draw blood that second and test it. I despise drugs!

When I arrived at the jail, I was informed that I would have to stay in the drunk tank for 24 hours. It was awful. It was cold and we couldn’t have a blanket or even wear our shoes. I tried to sleep considering I had been up all night but with the couple of other people that were in there it was impossible. An officer offered me some food and I told him I wasn’t hungry, so then they tried to say I was trying to commit suicide by starving myself. That definitely was not the case. I was so tired and just wanted to sleep. After leaving the drunk tank I was booked and spent three days in jail. The whole time all I could think about was my son and how I wanted to get him and just get away from everything and about Corey.

I had never felt so low in my entire life. I had finally met an awesome man and now he would never want to talk to me again.

On the fourth morning I was finally released. I checked my phone and I had calls from my family and from Corey. I immediately called him and he informed me that he was out of town but he wanted to see me. I explained to him what happened and he didn’t even care. He just wanted to see me and to make sure I was okay. I told him that I was going to get my son and go back to North Carolina for a little while but that we would stay in touch. So that night, I got my son and left.

I stayed in North Carolina for about three weeks, and Corey and I talked every day. I came back to Indiana with the intentions of getting my own place for myself and my son, so that Corey and I could pursue a relationship. We stayed with him while looking for a place, but the day I moved out never came.

So here we are, almost five years later. He has taken my son as his own. My son calls him dad and views him as such. Corey and I are engaged and hope to start wedding plans soon. I am finally happy. It took a lot to get here, but I wouldn’t change a thing. Corey made it all worthwhile. Through him, God gave me and my son our life back.

Series: Young Christian Mom~Part 5

So here I was working two jobs but still had no money. Every day was a struggle to get up and work nonstop to barely be able to pay bills. CDV finally got a job at some sort of calling company. So we needed a babysitter. We brought in CDV’s brother to watch my son. That didn’t last long. I had to walk back from work and one day when walking up to the house I could see my son standing in the window crying. I went inside to find the babysitter sleeping. My son had been crying for so long his eyes were swollen, he was wearing the same diaper I left him in that morning, and he had barely eaten. Needless to say I immediately quit my job and the brother was kicked out. I was not going to risk my son’s well-being.

But then that created even more problems. Since I was bringing in any money, I couldn’t control any of it, so none of it was going to bills. Rent wasn’t getting paid, electric was about to be turned off, and there wasn’t much food in the house. We were being threatened to be evicted. I didn’t have much choice but to deal with it and do the best I could to talk him into paying bills. It was also really hard because I didn’t have a car and he did. He would stay gone all the time claiming he was working, but he really wasn’t. We were constantly fighting about money and paying bills.

Things were just getting worse and worse. I would pray harder and harder but nothing was changing. I had finally had enough. I was done living the way I was and subjecting my son to things a toddler shouldn’t be subjected through. The relationship was over, but the problem was I was stuck. My family couldn’t come get me. So I still had to stay with him.

A couple of weeks after ending it, I met Corey. He was amazing, nice, and compassionate. He called me beautiful and showed me true kindness; something I had been craving for so long. After leaving each other, we texted throughout the night. But then at about 5:00 that morning I got arrested.

Series: Young Christian Mom~Part 4

So, he finally got a job at some sort of calling company. But, now since we were both working we needed a babysitter. His brother was staying with us so he said he would watch him in return for him living there. Well that was short lived. I came back from work one evening to find my son standing in the window of his room crying while his babysitter was sleeping. My son was in the same diaper I had put him in that morning and he had barely eaten all day. Furious is an understatement to what I felt. I immediately quit my jobs and kicked out the brother. My son’s well-being was more important than me working.

But now that meant that he was the only one making money and so bills weren’t getting paid. He was spending his money on other things he deemed more important. I later found out most of those things were pills, alcohol, and other assortments of drugs.

When I was home alone with my son was the only time I felt happy. As soon as he came back from work, everything changed. I didn’t do things I should have done. I even mentioned to him that since I wasn’t working now that I could go to school. His reply was that I was too stupid to attend college. So I put college out of my mind.

So this went on for a few months. But things weren’t getting any better. They were getting so much worse. One night I was alone with my son. He had told me that he was going to hang out with a couple of friends. It was about midnight and I heard a knock on the door. When I opened it there stood his brother. He proceeded to tell me that his brother was cheating on me at that very moment. I asked him to stay with my son for a few minutes. (He was sleeping so I knew he would be okay.) I found out where his brother was and ran all the way there. I had been there before so I knew the place and it was fairly close to where I was living. I walk in through the door to find him high on the couch with a half-naked girl. This girl was also an escort. He was high and didn’t even fully understand what was going on. I said a few words and told him to drive me back then he could do whatever he wanted.  

When we got back he gave me some stupid excuse and then started making me feel guilty when I mentioned leaving him. He talked about how we had a child together and we needed to stay in this relationship for him. I finally agreed that’s what was best for my son, and at the time I thought so. I thought maybe he would change for this child. But I was so, so wrong.

top photo: Images Money via Flicker /License/cropped |  bottom photo: Wiros via Flickr / License/cropped

Series: Young Christian Mom~Part 3

It says in the Bible that God will never give you more than you can bear, but I don't think I could have been pushed much further without cracking. It was during this time that I really started questioning God and asking myself "Why would He put me and my child through this?" There were times where I would literally cry out to God, begging him for help. But,  that help never came.

Every day I would endure physical, mental, and emotional abuse. But he had me believing I deserved it. I truly thought I was a horrible mother and that I was insignificant. My sole purpose in life was to make sure he was taken care of. I would work 8 to 10 hours a day, sometimes six days a week, come home and cook and take care of my one year old, clean the house, go to bed, and then wake up and do it all over again. Before going to bed however, I would get a lecture about how I didn't clean the house the right way, dinner was horrible, and overall I just didn't do enough. Keep in mind that he wasn't working. I was the sole provider for the family.

At the place I was working, I was a favorite of the managers. Since I showed initiative and good ethic, they decided to hire him to stock electronics. Fast forward a couple of months, and he gets caught stealing a few hundred dollars worth of product. I had no idea about this, but since I was living with him I was considered a liability. I was terminated and he was arrested. So here I was, yet again, jobless with bills and a child. A few days later he was released, but somehow everything was my fault. I needed to go out and find another job because now he was a convicted felon. I ended up getting two jobs, but that still wasn't good enough. The fights were getting worse and worse and he was getting more violent. The road ahead of me was looking very dark. I prayed and prayed but nothing was getting better and my prayers weren't getting answered. Why wasn't God there when I needed him the most?

photo courtesy of Global Panorama via Flickr | License / cropped & added special effects

Series: Young Christian Mom~Part 2

In the months before and during my pregnancy,  I had not been living the Christian  life I should have been. I have always believed in Christ, but at this point I wasn't truly saved. I wasn't going to church, or trying to keep a healthy relationship  with God. I never got into drugs or drinking, but my mind still wasn't on trying to build my faith. I was more concerned with trying to keep him happy and provide whatever he needed. I was working full time at a daycare facility  while trying to take care of the baby in my womb and steer clear of any complications. I stayed busy and kept counting down the days until it was time for my little man to make his appearance.

On December 29th 2008, at 8:16 pm, I gave birth to my baby boy. Honestly, I can't put into words the joy I felt when I heard that first cry. It is truly indescribable. I had him via c-section so I didn't get to hold him right away, but the doctor held him near me so I could see him before he was taken to the nursery. I remember my first words to him were "Hey sweetie. I love you." That moment was perfect. If I could have stayed in that moment everything  would have been okay. But as they say, "It's always darkest before the dawn."

While I was on maternity leave from my daycare job, the center shut down. Here I was with a newborn, I lost my job, he wasn't working, and there were bills that needed to be paid. The stress was almost too much. I couldn't even make ends meet or pay the rent. It was at this time that he talked me into moving to Indiana, where he was originally from. For the sake of providing a better life for my child, I agreed. In October of 2009, I packed up all of my belongings, left my entire family, and moved nearly 500 miles away. If I had known how bad things were going to be, I would never have even set foot out of the front door.

Series: Young Christian Mom~Part 1

          

See that little guy in the picture? His name is Aiden, and he is my life. It was really hard at first. And, I'm not going to lie, there are still some days I want to pull my hair out. But, I wouldn't change a thing.

If someone had asked me ten years ago where I thought I would be today, I definitely would have said something other than becoming a teenage mom.

I was not prepared at all for what God had in store for me. I had graduated high school at seventeen and the world was my oyster. But, not long after my 18th birthday I met him.

He was a daredevil and he liked to break rules and for some reason that intrigued me. We started dating and two months later I was pregnant. I panicked. How could I have been so stupid? I barely knew this guy! What was I going to do? To me, abortion was out of the question. I had a child growing inside of me, so I needed to accept the responsibility of my actions.

Having a child obviously changes a person’s life. Little did I know the impact that my son would have on me, and why God sent him to me when He did.