Series: Young Christian Mom~Part 2

In the months before and during my pregnancy,  I had not been living the Christian  life I should have been. I have always believed in Christ, but at this point I wasn't truly saved. I wasn't going to church, or trying to keep a healthy relationship  with God. I never got into drugs or drinking, but my mind still wasn't on trying to build my faith. I was more concerned with trying to keep him happy and provide whatever he needed. I was working full time at a daycare facility  while trying to take care of the baby in my womb and steer clear of any complications. I stayed busy and kept counting down the days until it was time for my little man to make his appearance.

On December 29th 2008, at 8:16 pm, I gave birth to my baby boy. Honestly, I can't put into words the joy I felt when I heard that first cry. It is truly indescribable. I had him via c-section so I didn't get to hold him right away, but the doctor held him near me so I could see him before he was taken to the nursery. I remember my first words to him were "Hey sweetie. I love you." That moment was perfect. If I could have stayed in that moment everything  would have been okay. But as they say, "It's always darkest before the dawn."

While I was on maternity leave from my daycare job, the center shut down. Here I was with a newborn, I lost my job, he wasn't working, and there were bills that needed to be paid. The stress was almost too much. I couldn't even make ends meet or pay the rent. It was at this time that he talked me into moving to Indiana, where he was originally from. For the sake of providing a better life for my child, I agreed. In October of 2009, I packed up all of my belongings, left my entire family, and moved nearly 500 miles away. If I had known how bad things were going to be, I would never have even set foot out of the front door.

Series: Young Christian Mom~Part 1

          

See that little guy in the picture? His name is Aiden, and he is my life. It was really hard at first. And, I'm not going to lie, there are still some days I want to pull my hair out. But, I wouldn't change a thing.

If someone had asked me ten years ago where I thought I would be today, I definitely would have said something other than becoming a teenage mom.

I was not prepared at all for what God had in store for me. I had graduated high school at seventeen and the world was my oyster. But, not long after my 18th birthday I met him.

He was a daredevil and he liked to break rules and for some reason that intrigued me. We started dating and two months later I was pregnant. I panicked. How could I have been so stupid? I barely knew this guy! What was I going to do? To me, abortion was out of the question. I had a child growing inside of me, so I needed to accept the responsibility of my actions.

Having a child obviously changes a person’s life. Little did I know the impact that my son would have on me, and why God sent him to me when He did.

"That Devil Music"

I grew up being told that all rock 'n' roll music was "of the devil." And not only the music, but the instruments used in it, especially drums and electric guitars. 

Once, when I was about 14 or 15, my father and I had an argument based on his belief that electric guitars were evil. My dad plays an acoustic, which was sitting on the sofa at the time. I remember pointing to it and asking him if his guitar was good or evil, or was it an inanimate object and, therefore could not 'sin.' Then I asked him if the person playing the guitar had anything to do with it, since it was the human race that Jesus came to die for. Of course, he shot off a scathing remark about children not respecting their parents, and shut the conversation down. So, all these years later, I still like some secular music, although contemporary Christian ranks much higher now.

A few years ago, my husband and his son were on a five-hour journey, listening to Linkin Park. Max, my stepson, really likes the group, but felt like it was outside his dad's Christian taste. His dad used it as an opportunity to teach Max, who was 14 at the time, about how to see Jesus in everything. He suggested that they "look" for Jesus in the lyrics. 

Ever since then, we have wanted to come up with a way to show this openly and put it into the public eye. Recently, I was given two songs to find Jesus in the lyrics of, and have posted them on youtube.com. (We have more coming in the near future.)

When Jesus called Peter as a disciple, he told them that He would make him a fisher of men. (Granted, there is a lot of secular music that Jesus nowhere in it, but there are others that clearly show the composer and/or singer crying out for a recognized higher power, a rescuer, a Savior.) 

Scripture says that God understands the groaning of our heart. (Romans 8:26) That being true, does it change if they are words sung with the accompaniment of drums and guitars, or other instruments? Who are we to say that God doesn't listen to "that devil music" and hears the cry of the heart of the person behind the words.

We Christians are all fishers of men, just like Peter. But NONE of us have caught a fish already cleaned, literally or figuratively. So, how can we pass judgment on someone who is crying out for mercy with the help of musical instruments and words not used in the old church hymnals? Who are we to restrict God to one genre of music?

Jesus equals mercy~that's scriptural. So, to cry for mercy means to cry out to Jesus, regardless of whether we agree with how they go about it, or not.

Honor & Respect: It Goes Both Ways

I grew up with the following scripture thrown at us teenagers: Honor your father and your mother, as the LORD your God has commanded you; that your days may be prolonged, and that it may go well with you, in the land which the LORD your God gives you. Deut. 5 :16

That was in church. And it usually came after a teen in the church had caused some public embarrassment for the parents. 

At home, I was told Do as I say, not as I do. Also, You are to be seen and not heard.

Looking back now, its a wonder I didn't carry on the same trait with my own children. Or, did I?

My children are grown; as of this writing, the older, 24, has a son 4 1/2 years old, and the younger, 22, is off in the Middle East fighting for someone else's freedom. This morning, looking in retrospect, did I show my children  the same honor and respect that I wanted from my own parents?

You see, it works both ways. While the church body I grew up in constantly told the children that they had to honor their parents, the parents were never held accountable for how they treated their children.

There are plenty of scripture to back up their words: Ephesians 6:1,2 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise.

And while these are all true, and should be followed, is their anyone out their looking over parents shoulders, saying: Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Ephesian 6:4.

Out of the following scripture, verse 20 is the only one that people seemed to be concerned with. Col. 3:18-21 18Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord. 19 Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them. 20 Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing to the Lord. 21Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

But what about the rest of those verses, particularly 21? Do we make our children feel lesser than, or do we show them the same respect we are demanding from them? The old adage that respect must be earned is true. A child that grows up in a domineering household will turn out rebellious and resentful. (I know this from my own experience in growing up in this type of household.)

Is that really what we want for our children? Are we not to set an example of humility and submission to God in front of them, so they can, and will, do the same thing when God calls on them out to do His work?

Col. 3:21 Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

Eph. 6:2 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Genesis 18:19 For I have chosen him, so that he will direct his children and his household after him to keep the way of the LORD by doing what is right and just, so that the LORD will bring about for Abraham what he has promised him.

Deuteronomy 4:9 Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them fade from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them.

Proverbs 22:6 Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.

Let's not discourage our children; the enemy already has  dibs on that one! Why should we make his job any easier?

I once heard someone say that if a child makes a mistake, then home is where that child should be safe. This is where they should be able to learn from that mistake, and not be ridiculed, or driven out, because of it.

Honor and respect: it goes both ways. Are we showing it to who we want to show it to us?

What Not To Wear

My husband and I used to watch ‘What Not To Wear’ on TLC regularly. It’s not so much that we are interested in fashion, but in seeing the transformation of the people when they wore their new wardrobe. While the gist of the show is about the clothing, the bigger message is how a ‘new look’ can change a person’s outlook about themselves, their friends and family, and the world in general.

 

Since our clothing is an outward projection of our inward character and personality, how we dress ourselves reveals how we regard ourselves. It tells others the value we place on ourselves, and thereby giving them the parameters in which to respect us.

 

The one consistent thing that we see, especially among women and girls, is the need to dress in a less than a self-respecting way in order to be liked, accepted, or appreciated. It’s not just ‘teens’, but women of all ages who use apparel for the attention that is absent in their lives. Unfortunately, it is usually negative attention they receive. In a lot of situations, their life is in such a state that negative attention is better than no attention.

 

I am by no means suggesting that we go back to Victorian days. This era repressed women in a lot of areas, not just in their wardrobe! However, what I do declare is that us women need to find our true worth, and not settle for anything less than that from the media, Hollywood, and celebrities. Then, we need to teach our children to respect their own bodies enough to dress it appropriately.

 

Teens have enough going on in their lives with just getting through that pubescent period without the added burden of thinking they have to reveal their bodies to the world to gain acceptance. The clothing choice is just the symptom of the deeper issues that lie beneath the façade of perfection. If we as human beings use our clothing to tell the world all about ourselves, then we should be donning the clothes that better reveal our character, not our body.

 

What do the images above bring to mind? The girl on the left is comfortable showing off the color of her underwear, but doesn’t want anyone to see her eyes. Is that because there might be pain behind those sunglasses that she doesn’t want anyone to see? Is she more comfortable exposing her body in a public setting than revealing how she really feels to anyone she might meet there?

And what about the girl in the middle? What is her story? Could the fact that she is overweight have her dressing provocatively in hopes for some (male) attention because she has no one in her life that expresses love to her? Could she be trading a few hours of her time seeking sexual attention, when all she really wants is someone to listen to her hopes and dreams, without judgment?

Now, we come to the guy on the right….nothing much jumps out about him, yet his shirtless body reveals tattoos. That doesn’t seem like anything hidden, but he is telling the world to look at what he has done to his body, but not to him as a person. He is saying that others will only see what he wants them to see, which means he feels invaded, and in order to take control of that, he regulates what is seen.

So, what does your choice of clothing say about you? Do you show off your body so that no one will see the pain that’s on the inside? Do you seek sexual attention when all you want is a simple ‘I love you’ without strings attached? Do you make sure any attention you get is focused on an external marking, rather than whatever emotional turmoil that is on the inside?

I would urge any who are measuring themselves by the standard the world uses-to toss that measure away, and be measured instead by Jesus Christ. In him is a measure that will deliver you from the pain of the past.

Criticism in the Family

 

My daughters got along so well when they were small children that it was disappointing to see them argue constantly when they reached their preteens. My younger daughter constantly copied my older daughter's every action. I urged her to 'be her own person' and 'have her own thoughts'. My older daughter would criticize her for constantly being the copy-cat. My interventions came with warnings that one day, when 'they live 3000 miles apart' they would miss each other, and regret all the bickering. (Now, they live 10 hours apart, and see each other only once or twice a  year, remember their youth, and regret that portion of it.)

 

There is a story in Scripture of criticism between siblings. In 1 Samuel 17:28, David's oldest brother ridiculed him for coming to the battle. He automatically assumed David came on his own out of nosy curiosity, not bothering to take into account that David brought food from home at his father's request. Also, by this time, David's reputation for soothing Saul with music, and his likability, was made known to his family, as well as to the public in general. Could Eliab have been jealous of David being chosen to be king? Did he feel that, being the oldest, he should have been the one anointed? Is jealousy not a basis of criticism, especially among siblings?

 

From David's reply, he must have heard criticism from that brother often. 'What have I done now? Did I not have a reason for coming?' But, when it came time to act, David didn't let the critical words of his brother hinder what he knew he and 'the God of Israel' could do together. He was sure of his stance in the Lord, and convinced Saul by his testimony of God's delivery of him from the lion and the bear.

 

When we endure a critical spirit, whether it comes through physical family, or our spiritual one, we should use it as an opportunity to make us stronger. The critical person actually shows their weakness; they have no confidence in themselves. That can come only through who they are in God, just as David was sure who he was in God.

 

The key to helping our children learn to be positive within themselves is to seek their identity in Christ. When He begins to direct their steps, there will be no need to be critical of anyone else, because the security of who they are is in Him.

No More Bullying

My girls were 8 and 10 years old when they had their first experience with being bullied. A new school year had begun, and with it came new students that had moved in over the summer.

I picked them up from school everyday, so they waited for me, along with other children waiting for rides, in front of the main entrance to the school. This particular day, as I drove up, I saw that my younger daughter was crying uncontrollably. I immediately hurried to get out to see why.

My older daughter relayed how they had just come from the girl's bathroom. While in there an older girl, a new student, had blocked their exit when they were done. My older daughter stood up against her, telling her to leave them alone, but it scared my younger girl.  

I went directly into the principal's office, who was sitting behind her desk. My daughters told her what happened. When she asked where the girl was now, they said she was still in the bathroom. She had us wait in the lobby while she went into the girl's bathroom. Seconds later, she and the girl passed by us, and was made to wait for her mother in the principal's office.

A while later, the girl came out crying harder than my daughter had been earlier, and apologized for her behavior. The mother reassured me that nothing like that would ever happen again. It didn't.

Children who are bullies are usually the children of bullies. It is a learned trait, and is a cover for the insecurity they feel inside. They fall into the categories mentioned in Romans 1:29-32, particularly verse 30. They are, among the other things, inventors of evil things and disobedient to parents.

We find that in Genesis that Ishmael mocked Isaac, who was 14 years younger than him. For that, he and his mother was cast out, because Sarah saw that the bullying would continue if they stayed. We find this pattern all down through history...the bullies always pick on the younger and/or weaker. The only way for bullying to stop is for adults, parents, and peer groups to get involved in children's lives.

Resources for help:

http://www.stopbullying.gov/

http://kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/behavior/bullies.html

http://www.nobully.org.nz/advicek.htm
https://www.wizcase.com/blog/a-comprehensive-cyberbullying-guide-for-parents/