My daughters got along so well when they were small children that it was disappointing to see them argue constantly when they reached their preteens. My younger daughter constantly copied my older daughter's every action. I urged her to 'be her own person' and 'have her own thoughts'. My older daughter would criticize her for constantly being the copy-cat. My interventions came with warnings that one day, when 'they live 3000 miles apart' they would miss each other, and regret all the bickering. (Now, they live 10 hours apart, and see each other only once or twice a year, remember their youth, and regret that portion of it.)
There is a story in Scripture of criticism between siblings. In 1 Samuel 17:28, David's oldest brother ridiculed him for coming to the battle. He automatically assumed David came on his own out of nosy curiosity, not bothering to take into account that David brought food from home at his father's request. Also, by this time, David's reputation for soothing Saul with music, and his likability, was made known to his family, as well as to the public in general. Could Eliab have been jealous of David being chosen to be king? Did he feel that, being the oldest, he should have been the one anointed? Is jealousy not a basis of criticism, especially among siblings?
From David's reply, he must have heard criticism from that brother often. 'What have I done now? Did I not have a reason for coming?' But, when it came time to act, David didn't let the critical words of his brother hinder what he knew he and 'the God of Israel' could do together. He was sure of his stance in the Lord, and convinced Saul by his testimony of God's delivery of him from the lion and the bear.
When we endure a critical spirit, whether it comes through physical family, or our spiritual one, we should use it as an opportunity to make us stronger. The critical person actually shows their weakness; they have no confidence in themselves. That can come only through who they are in God, just as David was sure who he was in God.
The key to helping our children learn to be positive within themselves is to seek their identity in Christ. When He begins to direct their steps, there will be no need to be critical of anyone else, because the security of who they are is in Him.
My girls were 8 and 10 years old when they had their first experience with being bullied. A new school year had begun, and with it came new students that had moved in over the summer.
I picked them up from school everyday, so they waited for me, along with other children waiting for rides, in front of the main entrance to the school. This particular day, as I drove up, I saw that my younger daughter was crying uncontrollably. I immediately hurried to get out to see why.
My older daughter relayed how they had just come from the girl's bathroom. While in there an older girl, a new student, had blocked their exit when they were done. My older daughter stood up against her, telling her to leave them alone, but it scared my younger girl.
I went directly into the principal's office, who was sitting behind her desk. My daughters told her what happened. When she asked where the girl was now, they said she was still in the bathroom. She had us wait in the lobby while she went into the girl's bathroom. Seconds later, she and the girl passed by us, and was made to wait for her mother in the principal's office.
A while later, the girl came out crying harder than my daughter had been earlier, and apologized for her behavior. The mother reassured me that nothing like that would ever happen again. It didn't.
Children who are bullies are usually the children of bullies. It is a learned trait, and is a cover for the insecurity they feel inside. They fall into the categories mentioned in Romans 1:29-32, particularly verse 30. They are, among the other things, inventors of evil things and disobedient to parents.
We find that in Genesis that Ishmael mocked Isaac, who was 14 years younger than him. For that, he and his mother was cast out, because Sarah saw that the bullying would continue if they stayed. We find this pattern all down through history...the bullies always pick on the younger and/or weaker. The only way for bullying to stop is for adults, parents, and peer groups to get involved in children's lives.
In the spring of 2012, where we were ministering at an emerging skate church, my husband would walk the perimeter of the grounds praying for the youth. In the group of teens that came daily after school to skate, there were quite a few that needed to hear that Jesus loved them. For the time we were there, we labored in a field of white, ready to harvest.
There was also a home school program run in the morning hours fours days a week by the pastor's mother. One particular mother in the program had two teenage daughters, a pre-teen daughter, and a six year old son. It was plain that something was not quite right about the family, and soon enough we saw what it was.
One morning, when the oldest daughter was taking too long to solve a math problem, the mother let loose a tirade of insults, so loud that everyone could hear her. Some of us went into a room close by and prayed for this woman while another interrupted the math lesson and talked privately with her.
On many occasions, when my husband would walk the property any pray, he would find wads of paper towels~lots of them~with brown stains. We reported our findings to the leadership, but all were puzzled as to what it could be. It wasn't until one day, soon after the math incident, that my husband was walking and praying that he found 'fresh' paper towels and realized the brown stains had been dried blood.
When the ugly truth came out, both of the older girls were being physically and verbally abused by their mother. At that point, social workers came into the picture, and we lost contact with the family, but it was obvious that the cutting was an attempt to deal with the pain inflicted by the mother.
Jesus dealt with a 'cutter' when He went into the Gadarenes. This man lived among the tombs, had been bound by the people by shackles and chains, but had broken them easily. He was 'always, night and day, in the mountains, and in the tombs, crying, and cutting himself with stones.' (Mark 5:1-20)
This is a grown man who was in so much emotional pain, manifested by demons, that he cut himself, and lived naked in the tombs. Was it because he was physically or verbally abused as a child? Was it because he saw no hope for his future, and this was the only way of relieving himself from the pain? This sounds very much like the girl mentioned above.
The key to the hope of the future is putting the demons in the presence of Jesus Christ. In the scripture, as soon as Jesus' presence was perceived by the demons, they immediately called out to Him. For those people, no matter their age, who cut themselves to try to get rid of the pain, they need to be put in the presence of Jesus, just as the man in the tombs was. This can be achieved through intercessory prayer, to lift up the abused and neglected.
When the demons were cast out, the man was 'sitting, and clothed, and in his right mind.' How great a miracle would it be to see today's young people experience the same thing? How great would it be for all those people to proclaim that Jesus healed them? That's what Jesus told the man to do-share his experience.
We need to pray for our youth, and those that abuse them. The troubled mind of anyone that has to deal with abuse of any kind gives the perfect conditions for demons to take over and manifest themselves so that people try to destroy themselves. Some wounds cut to the quick, so deep that only Jesus can heal them.
(This post is especially directed towards teens and young adults, but can apply to anyone.)
I want to create this post so that the readers will take a closer look at themselves, identify what negative internal factors, any negative external influences, are taking precedent in their lives, and hopefully take steps to eradicate it. I look back on my own teenage and young adult years and wish that I had had someone to instill in me the beginnings of the self-confidence and character that I have today. Would I have made better choices? Would I have been a better parent? Those are the kinds of questions that I want you, the reader, to ask yourself after reading this.
Teenagers and young adults have more temptations thrust in front of them, have more expectations of them, more exposure to the world, and more decisions facing them more in today's time than in any other time in history. In an effort to be accepted by peers, survive painful relationships, get through school, or pursue a future of happiness, young people can fall into traps that lead them away from a positive, constructive life.
Most young adults look at their immediate world, and think they are imprisoned by their parents, their school system, their job, their peers, their social status, or their life in general. When the negative feelings prevail, it is very easy to become entrapped into an exaggerated view of themselves, which causes an unfulfilled life.
In the video above, the dot flits around with what looks like freedom in the life of the squiggle. She is constantly being entertained, but not by the squiggle. He is simply the instigator in the type of entertainment she has, not the source of it.
People like this are always seeking something to placate themselves for the moment. On the outside, they are full of life, but on the inside, they are miserable. There is no thought for the future, only the instant gratification that can be had at that moment. While they are having 'fun', being the 'life of the party', all is good. But once the 'high' is over, they crash. They have nothing in their foundation to sustain them.
Do you know anyone like this? Go to school with them? Work with them? In a relationship with them? Or, are you this person? Is your life chaotic and out of control?
Scripture tells us that God is not the author of confusion, but of peace. (1Cor. 14:33)If chaos, confusion and disorganization is prevalent in your life, it might be time to take a closer look to see 'who' is actually ruling your life. And, if it is not God, then there is only one other choice.
Meanwhile, as the dot is propelled aimlessly around by the squiggle, the line is looking at himself more closely. He realizes that he is rigid, stiff, and inflexible, and that makes him boring to those around him. Particularly, to the dot.
People like this are usually strict, legalistic in the beliefs, unoriginal in their thought process, daily life, and the treatment of others. They get their enjoyment in life by following schedules, being ritualistic, and planning their life so meticulously that there is no room for spontaneity.
Do you know anyone like this? Your parents? Your boss? Coworkers? Yourself? Is your life so planned out that you have no time to for others? Are you so focused on your routine that you fails to see the needs of those around you?
Scripture tells us to be careful about following ritual and ceremony so strictly that we lose sight of the real meaning behind our actions. Jesus spoke to the Pharisees, the religious sect in his time, about their attitudes concerning others in regards to themselves. And they bind heavy burdens and place them on the shoulders of men, but they are
not willing to touch them with their fingers. (Matthew23:4)
If your life is ruled by rituals and schedules that have to be adhered to no matter what, the maybe you have become a robot, and are so automated that any humanity you once had is gone.
But, the line knows he has to change if he wants to have a chance to show the dot his love. Isn't that the way of us all? We're content to live life just floating along until someone or something comes along that makes us feel the very thing that we are lacking.
The line makes some changes, going off in a different direction. He is so excited that he could do it that he goes overboard, getting himself in a huge tangle. He realizes that without some order and discipline, he could look and act as unpredictable as the squiggle.
So, he hones his skills, develops his talents, and with a positive attitude, is able to bend himself into beautiful, ornate designs. He learns that 'freedom is not a license for chaos.' He decides that his God-given talents are too good to be squandered by putting on a show. He learns that he can express himself in any shape he wishes.
Scripture tells us, through the writings of Paul, that all things are lawful, or permitted, but not all things are expedient, or beneficial. (1Cor. 10:23)So, there is no point in doing things just because you can. If there is no benefit to yourself, or to others, then it becomes vain glory, which is equally detrimental to your peace.
When the line presents himself to the dot, she is amazed by his newly-acquired abilities. At once, she has a direct comparison with the organized beauty of the line to that of the chaotic state of the squiggle. She also realizes that what she thought was freedom was actually 'anarchy and sloth', or disorder and laziness. She now saw his flaws; flaws that were an intricate part of his character, and not just a phase he was going through. Let all things be done decently and in order. (1 Cor. 14:40)
The dot had thought she was free because that was what the squiggle wanted her to think. As long as she thought she was free, she was under his control. Therefore, she was actually his slave. Freedom is not present if you are bound by the whims and desires of someone else, whether it is an actual person, or whether it comes through your own thinking. You can only be free when you are allowed to express yourself through the person who truly sets you free, and that is Jesus Christ. Jesus answered them, Truly, truly, I say to you, Whoever commits sin is the
servant of sin. If the Son therefore shall make you free, you shall be free indeed. (Matthew 8:34,36)
A new study shows heart disease, lung cancer, and emphysema may be more prevalent in popular youths. The University of California and the University of Texas collaborated on a study which found that popular students in seven different California high schools were more likely to smoke cigarettes than unpopular students. (see full article:http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/249965.ph )
When I was growing up, almost everyone in my family smoked in one form or another. My dad preferred Winston's, and smoked about two packs a day, but quit cold-turkey in 1980. My great-grandfather, Bly, smoked a pipe. Even though he lived to well into his 90's, it was throat cancer~caused from the raw tobacco in the pipe~that killed him. The cancer came to the top of his skin like giant bruises, 2 to 3 inches in diameter, all over his body. He died the day after my 19th birthday.
All teens are looking for acceptance~they need to fit in, be a part of the gang, yet be unique at the same time. In their search for the place within the popular groups, they fall into the trap of being just like everyone else. It was not so many years ago that I was a teenager myself, and I have since raised two of them, so I know what I am talking about.
Everyone knows that cancer kills. And, everyone knows that one of the many ways to get cancer is by smoking. But, what is the reason behind the smoking? Why would teens risk their lives to 'look cool'? Are the peers they want to be accepted by really a better person than they? Of course not! Sometimes, acceptance and confidence can be hard things to come by, especially if there's turmoil at home, grades are low, or there is other social pressures. Smoking does not keep things like this from happening, or make them go away if they show up. In fact, if anything, it shows weakness of character in person who gives in to the peer pressure. A person should not have to smoke just because their 'friends' do.
It's time teens and young adults found their originality. And the best way to do that is live their life for Jesus. After all, He was an advocate for the minority in His day~women, outcasts from society, children-teens included. Remember, Mary was young when she was chosen to bear the baby Jesus~probably 13-17 years old.
A person should not have to risk their health, or die, just to be accepted and 'look cool'.
Sui-cide: The act of taking one's own life voluntarily and intentionally by a person of years of discretion and of sound mind.
Is there anyone out there who has a dark cloud hanging over them? Is that dark cloud in the form of lonely life, being bullied, or any negative situation or circumstance going on right now? I know how you feel.....I went through the same feelings, both as a teenager and as an adult.
I was a very lonely teenager....had a large family; lots of cousins, but no real friends. I grew up ina very small mountain community, and that did not help. Seven times in my early teenage years my sister took a butcher knife out of my hands. To me, a stab in the heart would do the job. She never told my parents, and of course, neither did I.
I made it through high school, then married soon after. Leaving the little mountain community was a temporary solution to the depression. I went on with my life~had children, divorced, worked two jobs, and entered into another abusive relationship. In March, 2004, I decided I'd had enough of the abuse, and 144 pills-2 days in ICU-7 days in the psych ward later, I felt much better. The doctors said I should have died, but God had a bigger purpose.
Ultimately, all I was looking for was love and acceptance, none of which I got growing up except from my paternal grandparents. All this time~since I was 14 years old~I knew who my Savior was....but I was searching for 'my purpose' in the wrong places. After this attempt, my life changed drastically....and has continued to improve in leaps and bounds. All I had to do was put Him first.
My challenge to any who are thinking about or considering this permanent solution to a temporary problem to seek help. Not just the help that will put you on medicines that will 'regulate' you. Seek the Great Physician that can repair ALL the damage, no matter where it comes from. Whether it is from child molestation (which I suffered) unloving parents (me again) no positive role models in my peer group (ditto), a change will come if you sincerely seek it from Him. You can be alive again, in a way that you never thought or imagined.
Before you consider taking your own life, give Him a chance.
The tattoo above is on my younger daughter's right side. It is remembrance of a fellow National Guard that was killed in battle just weeks after graduating from boot camp. My daughter was among those that graduated with him. This man was married, and left behind two small children. All those that graduated with him got the same tattoo in memorial to this soldier.
There are those in a lot of religious denominations that frown upon, and are vocally against, any tattoo or other bodily marking. They will quote Romans 12:1-2 (Therefore I urge you, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a
living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual
service of worship. And do not
be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so
that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable
and perfect.) in their 'righteous' condemnation. But, yet, God says He looks at the heart of a man, and not at the outward appearance 1 Samuel 16:7 (But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of
his stature, because I have rejected him. For the LORD sees not as man sees: man
looks on the outward appearance, but the LORD looks on the heart.”) So, which is it? Or are they both right? The following excerpt from a blog on tattoos will shed some light on the subject:
Here are my thoughts on the subject, for whatever they may be worth.Leviticus 19 includes
the following: 27 You shall not round off the hair
on your temples or mar the edges of your beard. 28 You shall not make any cuts
on your body for the dead or tattoo yourselves: I am the Lord. (all Bible
quotes are ESV. The NIV also uses
"tattoo.") Anything in the Bible should be taken seriously, of course. However,
we can divide the commandments in the Old Testament (OT) into three types: Cultural and
Civic -- commandments for the OT Israelite culture, like commands on how to
divide the land among the tribes.Ceremonial --
commandments concerning the worship of the Israelites, like commands about
feasts. Most of the OT commands are of this type.Moral -- commandments for all cultures, at all times,
like the commandment that husbands stay with their wives (Genesis 2:24,
repeated by Jesus in Matthew 19:5). Moral commandments, though they may be
stated first in the OT, are also found in the New Testament. We can't always
tell which type of command was meant. They are not identified as such in the
Bible. The church generally does not hold that the first two types of
commandments are binding on Christians. At the Jerusalem conference, the leaders
wrote as follows, when Jews felt that gentile Christians must obey the
ceremonial law: Acts
15:28 For it has seemed good to the Holy Spirit
and to us to lay on you nogreater burden than these requirements: 29a that you
abstain from what has been sacrificed to idols, and from blood, and from what
has been strangled, and from sexual immorality. If you keep yourselves from
these, you will do well. Even some of the prohibitions in Acts 15:28-9
are not takenthe OT. But, if that's
true, I bet they don't preach against clipping off the edges of a beard. It is easy to confuse our own prejudices with what God
commands. I canremember when that happened with not was binding by most Christians anymore. 1 Corinthians 8:8 Food will not commend us to God. We are no worse off if we do not eat, and no better off if we do. The Acts 15 statement was about the ceremonial law. It does not undo God's moral laws.So what about tattoos? The context seems to indicate clearly that Leviticus 19:28 is ceremonial or cultural, not a moral command. Not only is not a moral commandment, but it is probably speaking particularly of a situation involving death of a loved one, and, likely, refers to practices of the heathen neighbors of the Israelites. So why do some Christians speak out against tattoos, saying that the Bible is categorically against them? One reason may be that they don't distinguish between the three types of commandments inring wedding rings,
not wearing a tie, not having your hair cut or wearing pants if you are a woman,
not having a beard, or not having long hair if you are a man. Opposition to
these ways of presenting oneself is and was cultural, not moral. In our own
congregation, attitudes on these matters have changed, which is just as well,
because they aren't based on moral commandments.
No one ever went to hell
just for wearing a tattoo. People go to hell because they don't believe in
Christ as Savior and honor Him as Lord. Nonetheless, there are some principles that would seem to apply about tattoos, and
to other choices about how we present our bodies. 1) Why are you doing this? If a tattoo is meant as a
statement of rebellion against God, or our parents, or is a display of personal
pride, then we shouldn't get it. 2) What is it
showing? "Four-letter words," insults, anti-God statements or pictures are
some of the things that should be avoided, of course.3) How much does it cost? We need to use the money that
God has given us wisely. This does not mean that we can never spend money on
fixing ourselves up, or on things that we enjoy, but we should be careful, and
have the right priorities. 4) Is it immodest? Is
the purpose to arouse lust in others, or is it likely to do so?5) Does it put your health at risk? 6) How will it affect other people? We can't live solely for other people, but we
need to be careful that we don't drive others away from Christ, or weaken other
Christians. Some groups (motorcyclers, some African-Americans, some military
personnel) might be drawn to Christ by sometattoos,
whereas other groups might not. 7) Has God given you a personal conviction against this (or for it)? If so,
you'd better abide by that conviction. (1 Corinthians 8 speaks about some of
these things.) However, we should be careful not to
expect others to live according to our personal convictions. 8) Have I
promised not to do this? There are certain vows that go with joining our
church -- which has no prohibition on being tattoed -- or other bodies, and
promises should be kept, unless thereis a more important moral principle in
play that wasn't anticipated when you made thepromise. 9) What's my attitude? (In this case, toward those who
disagree with my opinion about something external, or who may be affected by
what I might do.) My attitude must be one of love, honor and integrity. (see full blog at: http://sunandshield.blogspot.com/2008/06/what-bible-says-about-tattoos-1.html )
I think my daughter, and all those in her unit, showed fully the action in #9.
