My daughters got along so well when they were small children that it was disappointing to see them argue constantly when they reached their preteens. My younger daughter constantly copied my older daughter's every action. I urged her to 'be her own person' and 'have her own thoughts'. My older daughter would criticize her for constantly being the copy-cat. My interventions came with warnings that one day, when 'they live 3000 miles apart' they would miss each other, and regret all the bickering. (Now, they live 10 hours apart, and see each other only once or twice a year, remember their youth, and regret that portion of it.)
There is a story in Scripture of criticism between siblings. In 1 Samuel 17:28, David's oldest brother ridiculed him for coming to the battle. He automatically assumed David came on his own out of nosy curiosity, not bothering to take into account that David brought food from home at his father's request. Also, by this time, David's reputation for soothing Saul with music, and his likability, was made known to his family, as well as to the public in general. Could Eliab have been jealous of David being chosen to be king? Did he feel that, being the oldest, he should have been the one anointed? Is jealousy not a basis of criticism, especially among siblings?
From David's reply, he must have heard criticism from that brother often. 'What have I done now? Did I not have a reason for coming?' But, when it came time to act, David didn't let the critical words of his brother hinder what he knew he and 'the God of Israel' could do together. He was sure of his stance in the Lord, and convinced Saul by his testimony of God's delivery of him from the lion and the bear.
When we endure a critical spirit, whether it comes through physical family, or our spiritual one, we should use it as an opportunity to make us stronger. The critical person actually shows their weakness; they have no confidence in themselves. That can come only through who they are in God, just as David was sure who he was in God.
The key to helping our children learn to be positive within themselves is to seek their identity in Christ. When He begins to direct their steps, there will be no need to be critical of anyone else, because the security of who they are is in Him.
