Honor & Respect: It Goes Both Ways

I grew up with the following scripture thrown at us teenagers: Honor your father and your mother, as the LORD your God has commanded you; that your days may be prolonged, and that it may go well with you, in the land which the LORD your God gives you. Deut. 5 :16

That was in church. And it usually came after a teen in the church had caused some public embarrassment for the parents. 

At home, I was told Do as I say, not as I do. Also, You are to be seen and not heard.

Looking back now, its a wonder I didn't carry on the same trait with my own children. Or, did I?

My children are grown; as of this writing, the older, 24, has a son 4 1/2 years old, and the younger, 22, is off in the Middle East fighting for someone else's freedom. This morning, looking in retrospect, did I show my children  the same honor and respect that I wanted from my own parents?

You see, it works both ways. While the church body I grew up in constantly told the children that they had to honor their parents, the parents were never held accountable for how they treated their children.

There are plenty of scripture to back up their words: Ephesians 6:1,2 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise.

And while these are all true, and should be followed, is their anyone out their looking over parents shoulders, saying: Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Ephesian 6:4.

Out of the following scripture, verse 20 is the only one that people seemed to be concerned with. Col. 3:18-21 18Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord. 19 Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them. 20 Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing to the Lord. 21Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

But what about the rest of those verses, particularly 21? Do we make our children feel lesser than, or do we show them the same respect we are demanding from them? The old adage that respect must be earned is true. A child that grows up in a domineering household will turn out rebellious and resentful. (I know this from my own experience in growing up in this type of household.)

Is that really what we want for our children? Are we not to set an example of humility and submission to God in front of them, so they can, and will, do the same thing when God calls on them out to do His work?

Col. 3:21 Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

Eph. 6:2 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Genesis 18:19 For I have chosen him, so that he will direct his children and his household after him to keep the way of the LORD by doing what is right and just, so that the LORD will bring about for Abraham what he has promised him.

Deuteronomy 4:9 Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them fade from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them.

Proverbs 22:6 Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.

Let's not discourage our children; the enemy already has  dibs on that one! Why should we make his job any easier?

I once heard someone say that if a child makes a mistake, then home is where that child should be safe. This is where they should be able to learn from that mistake, and not be ridiculed, or driven out, because of it.

Honor and respect: it goes both ways. Are we showing it to who we want to show it to us?